Tag: constant disappointment

I need a vacation from my vacation

Post author By llamamama
Post date November 30, 2009
2 Comments on I need a vacation from my vacation

My husband and I have never really had a vacation. We didn’t have a honeymoon after we got married. So this last weekend we scheduled a 4 day getaway to the beach. Nothing but relaxation and rest for 4 straight days.

Thursday was a great day, they upgraded us to a suite! It was literally bigger than our house. Unfortunately, it smelled like old lady perfume and moth balls. Thursday night my allergies started really bothering me so we asked for foam pillows and took the feather comforter off the bed.

By Friday my allergies were so bad we asked for a different room. They gave us a new suite that was just as big but no old people perfume. Unfortunately, by this time I realized my allergies weren’t allergies at all, but a cold…a bad cold.

Friday night we bought me some Nyquil, but because there was a small possibility I might be pregnant, we decided to get a pregnancy test and take it before I took the Nyquil. We were trying to forget about the wait, weren’t going to test at all, just let things unfold. But because I was sick and had to take the medicine, there really wasn’t a choice.

o I took the test. And it was positive! We couldn’t believe it. We were so excited. Finally, not thinking so much about it actually worked! I wasn’t going to do it, but I looked on my iphone app to see what the due date would be, what sign the baby would be. A Leo born August 6th.

We ordered up some room service and watched a movie. Every so often my husband would point to me and smile. High fives. I didn’t care so much that I was so sick.

Then I went to the bathroom and there was blood. My husband tried to convince me it was normal, that it was just spotting. But it wasn’t.

And then I got cramps.

I never would have known I was pregnant again if I hadn’t gotten sick. Such a cruel, cruel trick. We’re trying to figure out what to do now. I was taking the Lovenox, so it wasn’t a clot. Was it the Lyme? A co-infection? Should I start the other antibiotic? But that means taking 3 months off. Three months is a long time. And if the reason is just that I’m old, then continuing to try every month is the best thing to do, not take time off.

It’s getting harder and harder. And when I think it can’t get any harder than it is, it gets harder still.

Tags Antibiotics, constant disappointment, Lovenox

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Crap mood

Post author By llamamama
Post date November 6, 2009

I woke up in a crap mood this morning and it only got worse. I decided last night I have to start taking the Lovenox shots again because in the off chance that I do get pregnant and have not taken the Lovenox, I could lose it again…so I have to. P.S. I still have a bruise on my poor belly from the last shot I did over a MONTH ago.

I’ll be 41 next week which means I’ve lost another 10 percentage points on the ability to conceive graph. To make matters worse, the mail this morning gifted me an AARP membership card. I know I’m a few years away from 50, but it was still a shocker to see it. They shouldn’t do that to people.

I got to donate $20 to the receptionist’s baby shower which will be held on Tuesday. I usually avoid talking to her, but today I asked if she had gotten a flu shot. After a 10 minute conversation about baby size, movement, trimesters and due dates, she proclaimed that she was ready to be done with the pregnancy. Poor pregnant girl with my $20 and a party next week.

By the way, this morning before I left for work I noticed that the cat had pooped on the couch…and I just left it there.

Tags constant disappointment, Lovenox, oldness, other people's babies

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Not

Post author By llamamama
Post date September 29, 2009

Blood test was negative.

I thought I was doing ok until I had a total meltdown in the pharmacy when they didn’t have my prescription ready. The doctor called last week to say it was approved so when I went to pick it up and the pharm said it wasn’t approved AGAIN (the third time), and I had to pay for the medicine with my own money AGAIN (the second time) and this time it was TWICE as much (for something that should be covered), I totally lost my shit. I yelled, I cried, I even cursed.

Then I had to go to the grocery store and the whole time I’m driving my cart I’m thinking how I have to move to a small town where people don’t beg for money outside the store, where people don’t get sick and where women get pregnant if they want to. While I’m driving home in traffic I’m thinking how I just can’t deal anymore. And when the neighbor dog starts barking at me (as it’s done non-stop, day and night, since the neighbor went on vacation three days ago) I tried to kill it with my eyes. And I love dogs.

It’s too crazy. This whole thing is making me totally insane.

Tags constant disappointment, insanity, medicine

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Just when I thought things couldn’t get any worse

Post author By llamamama
Post date September 29, 2009

Have you ever thrown up on yourself while you’re driving?

I used to be able to answer no to that question.

But this morning I had an arthrogram of my left hip. This delightful procedure started with me changing into a mini-gown and being wheeled in a wheelchair out of the MRI room, through the physical therapy room, past the waiting room, out the back door of the building, across the parking lot entry and into the Radiologist’s office so he could inject a bag of saline and contrast into my hip joint with a really really big needle. So many questions…like (1) why isn’t the Radiologist in the same building as the MRI machine? (2) why couldn’t I have changed out of my clothes in the Radiologist’s office? and (3) why wasn’t I given a blanket for my long trip cuz it was friggin cold outside?

After the whole needle in the hip thing, I was wheeled back on the same route back to the MRI machine. The MRI guy said I could choose some music. I said, “anything relaxing…that isn’t Enya.” Well, he must have heard, “anything relaxing…how ’bout some Enya” because that’s what was piped into my earphones for a half hour whilst I sat, unmoving, in my little MRI coffin.

So because the whole arthrogram/Enya thing was pretty traumatic, I thought I’d make myself feel better with a nice soy latte from Starbucks (no more dairy for me). Driving back to work on the 101, enjoying my nice latte, I started to feel…not so great. Then I started feeling hot and quivery. I thought to myself, “relax, you just feel nauseous…you won’t actually throw up.” Boy was I wrong. Suddenly, at about Silverlake Blvd., I started to really feel like I was going to throw up. How lucky was I that I had my lunch in a plastic bag sitting right next to me on the seat? Not very, because the bag had a hole in it. That’s right, I threw up three times into a bag on my lap which then quickly leaked out all over my skirt, my top and my iPhone. Of course I had no napkins because that’s just my luck. I found some Kleenex in my purse, rolled the bag up as best I could and threw it away in a public trash can somewhere off Third street in downtown. I called work, told them what happened and that I was going home and then I called the doctor to make sure the source of my instability was the latte and not some horrible deadly reaction to the arthrogram. It was the latte (and the Enya).

I’ve eaten lunch since and am feeling better. But this was seriously not a good day.